Can we talk about colorism?

Originally posted: May 2023

Updated: October 2025

A couple weeks ago, I went on a cruise to the Bahamas with my sister and a few friends.

One of the days I was on the boat, my friend and I were in the casino, getting our 10^th drink of the day. My friend is a pretty girl, who happens to be racially ambiguous. Anywho, we’re sitting at the bar, and this man, who looks older than my father, approaches my friend and starts a conversation with her. I minded my business to give them some type of privacy. I shortly found out that my attempt to mind my business was pathetic because he asked me why I looked ‘so mean’. I was confused on how I ‘looked mean’ if I was just drinking my drink and trying to give them privacy because he was trying to hit on her. As if he couldn’t get on my nerve further, he looks me dead in my face and says:

“You’re cute, too. Don’t think you’re not cute because you’re not light-skinned.”

Instead of trying to create a good impression to last on my friend, he decided to give me a backhanded ass compliment that insinuated that I thought I wasn’t beautiful. He tried to insinuate I had low self-esteem and that self-hatred oozed through my veins despite him and I being the same skin tone. I had rather he told me I was ugly, instead.

If I’m being completely transparent, I’ve thought about this comment every-day after the cruise and it’s still on my mind three weeks later. Honestly, it left me with plenty of mixed emotions because I kept trying to figure out why he would say this to me, but I then figured out I didn’t need a reason to justify the disrespect, and nor did I need him to stamp me for beauty. I didn’t want to be wanted by him, but this comment made me think of the many struggles that I face as a dark-skinned black woman, more specifically in regards in colorism.

People like to pretend darker-skinned black women don’t suffer from colorism because that means they would have to eliminate their own bias and their own beliefs about us. That's like saying that I would have to be apart of the LGBTQ+ community to be knowledgeable about the issues they face in society, and only a fool would deny proof of these social inequalities, and it would be the same fool who perpetuates such unjust behaviors the most.

When you’re the darkest child out of all your siblings, and you had people ask you if you’re adopted (despite me looking exactly like my parents), and people call you a burnt biscuit and say you look like an African booty scratcher, say you’re a "blackie" and constantly try to undermine your femininity (really your entire human existence) because the color of your skin, (which, by the way is completely random and based off genetics), it hurts. I will never forget, ten, fifteen, years ago, people placed a scarlet letter on my chest, when I was just a child, and were calling me different renditions of the color black just to remind me that I wasn’t light, as if it was crime to be dark-skinned. As if dark skin isn’t beautiful.

People wanted to me to hate myself when I was a child because the shade of my skin. When I was new to the world, experiencing Earth for the first time and trying to create my own identity as a person, people constantly reminded me that I was darker. Now I would be lying if I said that there was no one who reassured me, but the negativity outweighed the positivity because of the common occurrence of the negative reinforcement.

One important thing to highlight is that I've had the worst experiences regarding colorism with people of my own race. I hesitated including this statement because let's be real, when I call it out, nobody wants to admit to it. Suddenly everyone is self-righteous and has never made an "African booty-scratcher" joke in their lives, like they've never told me to get out the sun before I get too dark. Or that when the lights turn off, they can't find me. Or the classic "burnt biscuit".

If we are all affected by the plight of racism and prejudiceness, then does it really matter what shade of brown we are? Apparently it does matter. It matters because on a grand spectrum, certain shades are placed on a pedestal that is in close proximity to a certain phenotype that is slated to benefit the most from society. People consciously and subconsciously know this, which is why even internally in our own community, we still uphold colorism ideologies.

People in my community like to act like there's not an imaginary beauty hierarchy that uplifts one complexion over another. People in my community like to separate themselves into different shades of brown as if brown isn't brown. People in my community love to distinct themselves from having dark skin because they are aware of the difference in treatment.

"Oh I'm brown-skinned."

"I'm medium-brown."

(????? Who cares? LOL. In my eyes, you are either light or dark.)

We fight tooth and nail against racism yet uphold its child, colorism, inside of our community.

Everyone knows this yet no one wants to say it outloud. Why?

The division wasn't created by us, but internally we still uphold it because some people want the benefit of being phenotypically close to a certain race with certain features because on a global scale, there is a certain race that represents the global beauty standard and any proximity to it is better than nothing.

Within this constant division and hierarchy of fair-skinnedness and dark-skinnedness, it’s really to remind you that you will never have the same benefits or potential as ‘lightness’ that is maintained by this society, like there is no way to be beautiful and darker-skinned, like beauty is only in the eye of the fairest. To be completely transparent, there was one day when I questioned myself if beauty was truly in the eye of the fairest.

Besides the fact that it's hurtful to make fun of someone's skin tone, the false narratives that come with such thing is even worse. Some people think of dark skinned women and associate us with masculinity, promiscuity, and stupidity. People were so quick to assume my character and intelligence because of their internal beliefs. So quick to assume that I'm loud, argumentative, and have an attitude every second of my life. Like I'm never happy and I walk around always mad at the world.

It then gets even worse because the representation of DSBW in media is not always a fair representation of us, or how certain women think that they are better than you or more beautiful than you simply because they are lighter skin and they know their lighter skin gives them access to certain benefits or certain men in society. Or that certain men will treat you differently in the dating world because they don't like women with darker skin. I could honestly name so many different experiences that fit under the umbrella of colorism, but it would be a novel.

There are plenty of things that other women of a lighter skin tone can get away with that I can't get away with. I know this to be true because it still happens to me (albeit less) these days.

The weight of it all is too heavy to carry.

Some people would say that I am projecting my own insecurities. That's not true. This isn't a "woe is me" post. I'm just sharing my own experiences, as I am in a comfortable space in my life to share them. (I'm also not insecure about my skin tone. So there's that.)

And even when colorism is discussed, people like to invalidate conversations surrounding colorism. There are people who will cry about racism and then deny colorism. You have to watch out for people like this. They're delusional.

And I know we’re currently riding a social wave of "diversity’" (or am I not allowed to say that word anymore?) and "power to the melanin" campaign, but I declare these campaigns as disingenuous because in my opinion, it seems like the only people who've truly done the work to undo colorism is dark-skinned black women (DSBW), who happen to be most affected by colorism. It affects DSBW the most because we're black, darker, and a woman (as we already face misogyny, so, really, just pile on the layers of plight). Because remember, racism affects all black people, but colorism affects some black people.

However, in spite of all these celebrations, I still believe that a colorist will always be a colorist. Just like I don't believe that a person can go from being racist to truly anti-racist. I say this because like racism, colorism is institutional, and there are specific systems built into society to uphold these behaviors. Colorism is the child of racism, and a child can't exist without being born from someone. It is so deeply intertwined into society so much that the very society that I live in has been built upon it.

So, I ask: how can you undo a society where the foundation is racism, and the ground floor is its child, colorism?

Until next time, C.